Learning Curve: Memes and the ABCs of MeMe.

Wow--I'm really speeding along the whole blogging learning curve. A few weeks ago, I was barely posting on my own site. Now, I'm contributing to LA Moms Blog. A few weeks ago, I had no idea the thing called BlogHer even existed. Now, I'm going to the big BlogHer Conference in SF. (Which, I am sure, will result in some more, well, blogging, on my part!). I've learned about blogrolls, technorati tags, and today--memes (pronounced "meem")--although really, it's the bloggers' definition of meme, not the "real" philosophical meaning of meme. We're not talking Richard Dawkins's memetics.

Anyhow, I saw an A-B-C meme today, so I decided to spread the wealth. You, too can write all about yourself in A-B-C form--go for it. Comment below with a link to your own A-B-Cs. As for me, (or me me), you know how I love these little exercises in narcissism.

So, here are my ABCs of MeMe:

A=Ass. Mine is bigger and spongier than I'd like, although, of course, I do love my body just as it is. (Ha)! Also for ADD, which I discovered as an Adult that I suffer from (along with split infinitives and dangling prepositions).

B=Bellvue. Where I feel I'm headed at the end of a long day with overtired, cranky and all-round ornery kids. Also for Bickering--which is what my kids do when they are overtired, cranky and all-round ornery. Finally for Bitch--which I become at the end of a long day with overtired, cranky and all-round ornery kids.

C=Chocolate. Preferably dark. The true love of my life. It rarely disappoints. Although I do think Hershey's kisses taste like vomit, and Hershey's milk chocolate tastes like somebody burned the milk.

D= Darling Daughter. 9 going on 13. Comes complete with eyerolling, artistic ability and an intelligence that far surpasses mine. Also Dogs--I have and I love.

E=Easy. Nothing in my life worth having has ever come easy. Unfortunately.

F=Fuck. Not the act--the word. Now that I have kids, I miss being able to curse like a sailor. Don't know where I picked it up, as my parents were the antithesis of cursers. I've just always liked it. Maybe that's why I initially became a litigator. They curse--a lot. . .F also stands for--Forty and over. Sigh.

G=Good Girl. What I was (mostly) when I was growing up. Despite what my parents think. (If they only knew what everyone else was doing). . .Bad girl didn't happen until I left home. Also, Genius--what my husband and kids are. Really.

H=Hell. What practicing law was for me. Also for Hair--which I love to change (cut and color) as often as I can, much to the annoyance of my third H, otherwise known as Husband. Also, Hypochondriac. Woody Allen's got nuttin' on me.

I=Infertility. It sucks.

J=Jokes. I am the world's WORST joke teller. Can't remember one entire joke to save my life (except for one old knock-knock joke and one nun-in-a-blender joke from my childhood). I love humor, though. Make me laugh, and I 'm yours. Well, If I weren't already married.

K=Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I grew up on them before they franchised themelves to death. Nothing like an early Sunday morning with a piping hot glazed doughnut straight out of the oven.

L=Late Bloomer. See entry at "G" above. I was also a late bloomer in many other ways. Probably still am. Also stands for Los Angeles=where I Live now.

M=Mother--one of the few things in life I knew for certain I always wanted to be. I also have one, in case you're wondering. Can also stand for Messy--which I have always been, and am afraid always will be.

N=Nice. It's nice to be nice. But it gets boring being called nice all the time. Also--Nose. Is anyone actually ever happy with his or hers? Finally, it stands for Nap--one of my all-time favorite things to do. (See "Y" below).

O=Orion, the only constellation I can pick out in the night sky. Thank goodness for his belt. (And no, I can't even pick out the Big or Little Dippers). Also for Orgasm. They're pleasant, aren't they?

P=PMS. I wish I didn't suffer from it (although don't accuse me of it, or I'll bite your head off). Also, Perimenopause--when PMS gets worse.

Q=Queen-size bed. I much prefer the East Coast King to a Queen, although my first real "grown-up" bed was a Queen.

R=Reading. My other passion and best companion since, well, forever.

S=Sweet. The word applied to me in just about every yearbook entry from middle school on up. "You're a sweet girl." "Stay sweet." Gag. But that was probably because I was horrifically Shy as a kid. So what else would someone have to write about me? It's not as if I talked to anyone. Also for Son--I have one of those, too, and a bigger 6-year-old flirt you've never met. He's off-the-charts smart and a fine piano player, too.

T=Tea. I'm obsessed with it. I find it hard to end the day without a cuppa. Also Teeth--did you know I never had to have braces? I really longed for a retainer, though. I thought they were sex-ay.

U=U-Haul. I still have nightmares about moving out of dorm rooms and apartments. Also, University of Virginia, my undergrad alma mater. Otherwise known as Mr. Jefferson's Academical Village.

V=Values. Try raising your kids with good ones in LA. I dare you. Also, Vapid--which covers many a pretty face in LA. Finally, Virginia--my birthplace. (What, you thought I was going to tell you when I lost my virginity?--Fat effin' chance! My parents read this blog.)

W=Warm--the way I like my Weather and my bread. Also-War--which scares the shit out of me. Finally, Welsh Rarebit. I don't know why. It just popped into my head. I think I first heard of it on the Dick Van Dyke Show. (See R for Random).

X=X-ray? Xylophone? Who do you think I am--Dr. Suess??

Y=Yawn--which I do too frequently and which could also describe this meme.

Z=Zoos--are they ultimately cruel? Discuss amongst yourselves.

With that--I bid you Adieu.