Sunday, November 30, 2008

Because Everything Tastes Better With Dirt

One of my great joys in life, as you may have already ascertained if you've read my blog in the past, is listening to my kids mangle the English language. I don't know why. If you were an adult, I'd want to launch an RPG at you for misusing our esteemed language, but if you're a kid--well, it's just adorable.

One of my son's newest malapropisms is getting some extended play in our household. You see, he is one of those kids with an extremely limited diet (yeah, yeah, lecture me all you want. . .I know). One of the few things he eats is soy bacon, otherwise known as fake bacon around here. And it probably would not surprise you to learn that he is very particular about how is fake bacon is prepared. It has to be chewy, oily and a bit underdone. Well, sometimes Mama and her microwave don't quite measure up to his standards.

Recently, when this happened, my son yelled: "Mama my bacon isn't SOILISH." I looked at him in askance and said, "What?." "Soilish, Mama, soilish, my bacon isn't soilish enough." "Soilish"? I replied. I'm thinkin': his bacon isn't dirty enough? What the hell is this child's problem? Finally, after a lot of digging, I was able to figure out what he truly wanted. He wanted his bacon oily and limp (sounds appealing, no?). Somehow, he must have gotten the words soy and oil all mixed up, and came up with "soilish." Once I was finally able to stop howling with laughter, I wiped the tears from my eyes and asked him if he knew what soil is. He shook his head, no, so I explained--and he thought that was pretty darn funny--but he still wanted me to re-cook his bacon to "soilish" perfection.

Plopping a new plate down in front of him, I said with a grin: "Because everything tastes better with dirt."

And from there a mantra was born...

3 comments:

Sarah Auerswald said...

Hilarious! And I have one who doesn't eat much, either. But he would never in a million years eat soy bacon, I can tell you that!

Anna Lefler said...

OK, first of all, let me pick myself off the floor because that's where my body was flung by the words "soy bacon." Good Lord, woman! Don't sneak up on me with stuff like that!

And second, I will be putting "soilish" into heavy rotation around here, only in our case it won't be soy-related, it will be commentary on how everything I cook tastes like compost.

It's cool. I know that about myself.

Awesome post...

~ A.

Karen said...

thanks guys. or rather, gals. (Oh, and dig the pic, Anna!). We definitely have some funny stuff going on around our apartment. Dirt eating probably being among the least of them!